From the start of the recruitment process, I had a sense of my role in my first year of varsity hockey. Still, nothing could fully prepare me for what it would feel like. It was overwhelming, exciting, and scary all at once. I was eager to begin my university hockey journey, but I had no idea what I was stepping into.
I quickly learned what it meant to be a player who primarily practices and trains without seeing regular game time. I was redshirted and scratched from most games. At first, it was hard not to let that affect my confidence. It’s tough to keep pushing when you’re showing up every day but not seeing your name in the lineup.
But here’s the thing: not being in the lineup didn’t mean I wasn’t valuable. I still felt very much a part of the team. My teammates and coaches made me feel included, which meant a lot. I learned many ways to contribute, even if they’re not always visible. I focused on bringing energy to practices, being a good teammate, and doing the little things that often go unnoticed.
Having a teammate like Sophy Aldred in the same situation helped more than I can explain. We became incredibly close, bonded by our shared experience. We leaned on each other, pushed each other, and reminded each other why we were there in the first place. We showed up at the rink every day ready to work. On game days, we made the most of our time by hitting the gym for lifts. We put in the extra work because we knew we had nothing to lose.
As the season went on, I started to grow into my role. I began to enjoy the opportunity to try new things in practice and play with more freedom. With time, things got better. By the end of the year, especially in the playoffs, I started to see opportunities open up. I stayed patient, trusted the process, and kept my focus.
Now, having just finished my second year, I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I played in every game this season, earned opportunities on the penalty kill, and found a new level of confidence in my game. That first year tested me, but it also shaped me. It made me tougher, more resilient, and more appreciative of every shift I get to play now.
Being scratched and redshirted is something many players go through, but not many talk about. If you’re in that spot, know you’re not alone. You still matter. Keep showing up, keep doing the work, and know that your time will come.
Being scratched and redshirted is something we don’t talk about enough – especially in women’s sports – but it’s more common than most people realize. It doesn’t define your future or your value as a player. If you’re going through it, know that you’re not alone. Your role still matters, even if it looks different right now. Keep showing up, keep putting in the work, and remember – some of the most meaningful growth happens when no one’s watching.
By Sienna Bullen
Sienna Bullen is a varsity women’s hockey player at Queen’s University, currently entering her third year studying Sociology and Business. She discovered her passion for hockey at a young age, inspired by the desire to be part of something bigger than herself. Sienna is committed to making the sport more inclusive for players of colour and is passionate about offering an honest perspective on what it takes to balance life and hockey – both on and off the ice.